.. In The Pursuit Of Happiness ..

Every day I wake up with lupus, I know that this nightmare will never be over. It’s like the movie “Ground Hog Day” I wake up every day, and it’s the same disease that I have to deal with over and over again. There is no cure, no miracle drug, there will not be a time for me, to look back, and say I am sure happy that battle with SLE is over. I will always be sick. I wish this obnoxious pain, nausea, headache, sun sensitivity, fatigue and so many other symptoms and issues were just a distant memory. My cluttered night stand, sometimes riddled with pill bottles, dishes from food, cups of water and drinks. It is definitely a sick persons’ bedroom at times. And on the days when I can’t make it to bed at night my living room becomes my bedroom. I live in my bedroom and living room pretty much every day, laying quietly in my darkish rooms, reading if I can, watching television if I can, or on the internet If I can. This is my world, it can be very lonely, no one else in my home has to live in this prison. Thank god! Doctors’ appointments, trips to the pharmacy, these are my outings. On a good day I can do laundry, do dishes, go out shopping, or have a special day with my Sister, of course not all in the same day. My body doesn’t like to cooperate with me, my body hates me and for some reason we cannot agree to disagree. This disease bullies me, makes me feel worthless, alone, sad. It takes what it wants and leaves me crying in pain, begging for relief. It takes away my fun and excitement, excitement makes me feel sick and takes too much energy. I am a shell of my healthy self, but lupus will not win. I will fight, I will kick and scream, I will yell! I will raise awareness and go to war with this army, I will continue to be strong, and maybe just maybe I will win!! I will always be ..  .. In The Pursuit Of Happiness ..

There comes a time when we have to search deep within ourselves and let go of the negative in the world so we can heal and then move on to brighter and better things. We are all here to learn our own lessons in life. How we treat others is how we will be treated by others. 

So therefore I say…
For all who have ridiculed me,
For all who have judged me harshly,
For all who have forgotten me,
For all who have laughed at me during times of sorrow,
For everyone who has hurt me,
… “I FORGIVE YOU.” ♥